THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
home instantly became their family. They were inviting, welcoming, and wanted you to see their space as a place of love, healing, and joy.
Did the Coetzee family struggle? Absolutely. However, their example of perseverance and character produced hope in the many lives that were blessed to be around them for any length of time.
Behind-the-Scenes Influence
During this first year, I spent many hours with the leaders of the church, the parents of the youth I was leading, and the youth that had started to come to the church. On more than one occasion, I heard about or could see the influence Victor Coetzee had on the lives and families I spent time with. They each had a story of a moment, a time frame, or just consistently how he had been there for them in life, prayed for them through a difficult season, or called or encouraged them through his messages and teaching through the years.
When I was brought there, Pastor Coetzee had given me the liberty to start this youth ministry and try my hand at many different ideas. Some failed miserably and others succeeded by the skin of their teeth. He stood by me and supported me through all of them.
There was one event that I was working toward, a concert for the youth in the city. He could see how much of a toll it was taking and how it may not have been the best road to have traveled down. He allowed me to walk down this road and offered suggestions and cautions through the entire thing. Not once did he say, “Don’t do this!”
At one point in the planning, I could see the necessity to pull the plug and take the loss. He didn’t say, “I told you so.” He simply encouraged me in the decision and taught me to lead in a way where I accepted responsibility, admitted errors, and moved on to the next thing. I was building the art of influence.
His behind-the-scenes influence in my life and ministry helped to teach me even when he didn’t say any words. As you can see, I highly respected this man and how God has used him in my life, especially in the area of influencing others. He lived in a way where others could see who he was. He didn’t need to say it—he lived it.
Influence Requires Humility
After about a year of ministry under Pastor Coetzee, he came to me and told me that he would be retiring after nineteen years of ministry in Paterson and over forty years of ministry as a missionary and pastor. I was more than dumbfounded, to say the least, although I understood why he was retiring, as he